Christian wedding ceremony

         

Dowry  A simple presentation of the previously agreed upon items [rice, yams, cloth, etc.] from the groom’s family to that of the bride can be done without the traditional ceremonies, blessings, wine, and especially without there being any sense that this presentation of dowry is what has joined these two in marriage. This should be done on the same day as the wedding ceremony just before the actual Christian wedding ceremony and apart from the invited guests.  The brother performing the marriage ceremony should be present as a witness and to insure that this is not what Christians consider as establishing the marriage in the eyes of God.  Genesis 24 gives an example of a simple presentation of dowry between the immediate members of the families.  There, the actual marriage took place afterwards when Rebekah was joined to Isaac.  Dowry is a cultural practice that may even be set aside in coming years when the children of Christians who are marrying now grow up and will marry from other truly Christian families.  There should be the avoidance of any suggestion that this is a “bride price” which somehow purchases the woman for the man.  This whole proceeding need not occupy more than 20 minutes or so.  Doing this in such a manner will satisfy the current cultural expectations of dowry, but put it in its proper perspective within a Christian context.  It also avoids the needless expense of hosting two receptions and the problem of the traditionally minded relations bringing in their own practices which are contrary to the Word of God.  

[1] Welcome to guests [This can be done by the one hosting the wedding ceremony or by the brother performing it].

[2] Processional [entrance of wedding party, brother performing ceremony, and couple.  Often this is accompanied by music and/or singing of Christian song[s]].

[3] Prayer [led by brother performing ceremony.  This is not leading in prayer points]: Giving of the Bride and Reception by the Families  Father, uncle, or senior brother gives bride in behalf of family. [The Lord gave Eve to Adam in that first marriage]. Family of groom is asked if they agree and receive bride to become wife of groom [perhaps the families will come forward and publicly embrace and welcome the bride and groom, thus showing their acceptance and approval].  Words should then be spoken by brother performing ceremony to both families about man leaving father and mother to be joined to wife and that the bride’s family has given their daughter away.  Therefore, there is to be no authority of either family over this new household.  Neither family has jurisdiction over the new couple.

[4] Congregational Singing [song or songs selected by couple]

[5] The Preaching of the Gospel  A call for the guests to repent and receive Christ.

[6] The Testimony of Purity  Heb.13:4.  The couple is publicly asked if they have ever fornicated with one another [This should be discussed privately with the couple some days or weeks before the ceremony to determine if this is true before including this as part of the ceremony.]  This testimony of purity then becomes an example of Christian behavior which is set before the guests as honorable in the sight of God and as an admonition to them.  If they have fornicated and this is known by others generally, or if the bride is pregnant, then they should publicly confess this before the assembled guests on the wedding day with expression of their repentance of that sin and admonition that none follow in their footsteps.  The brother performing the ceremony can then reemphasize that fornication is an evil forbidden by God and a sin that has no approval by the church of the Lord Jesus.  Forgiveness is offered for such sin, but the price and consequence of such disobedience is a lifelong shame that will grieve the conscience though God has forgiven.   

[7] Call for any Objections to Marriage  Does anyone have any just cause why this man and this woman should not be joined together as man and wife?  Before anyone would speak they should be solemnly charged in the presence of God and the holy angels that any false or slanderous remarks are recorded on high and every careless word spoken will be brought into judgment.   [Allow a time of silence for any to respond].   If there is no objection, then families and guests are solemnly charged about ever slandering, speaking against the couple, or causing contention between them: What God has joined, let no man separate.

[8] Summary of Christian Marriage Describe the teaching on marriage from Genesis to Revelation; from the first bride and groom to the final bride [the church] and Bridegroom [Christ].  Detail the specific characteristics and Christian responsibilities of both husband and wife.  Describe how the Christian home is different than that of the culture.  Give sober warning about divorce.  The following is a summary that can be put into other words and modified as seems best to properly express the essentials of the man and woman’s responsibility.

The Christian Husband

            The Christian home is to be like no other home.  The believing man will love and care for his wife like Isaac did for Rebekah.  The believing wife will submit to and help her husband like she was created to do from the beginning.

            Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her.  He died so that He could give the church to Himself like a bride in all her beauty.  In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they love their own bodies. 

            The man who loves his wife loves himself.  No one ever hates his own body, but feeds and takes care of it [Eph.5:25-29].  The husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the Head of the church [Eph.5:23]. 

            The Christian husband is to love his wife by a self-sacrificing giving for her.  He is the leader and head of the home.  It is his responsibility to direct his family in the things of God.

            Fathers, do not make your children angry, but raise them with the training and teaching of the Lord [Eph.6:4].

            He is to answer his wife’s spiritual questions at home as the Word of God says to.  As is true in all the churches of God’s people, women should keep quiet in the church meetings.  If they want to learn something, they should ask their own husbands at home [I Cor. 14:34,35].

            In addition to this spiritual provision for his wife and family, he is responsible to feed and clothe them as well.  It is not the wife’s responsibility to feed and clothe the man and children.  The man must do this according to the Word of God.

            If any man does not provide for his own, especially those of his own household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever [I Tim.5:8].

            Even though he is the head and leader, he is to be kind and respectful, not harsh and cruel.  The Bible commands him, Husbands, love your wives and be gentle with them [Col.3:19].  The wife is not the property of the man as if she were some kind of goat purchased in the market.  The following tells us how the Christian husband is to treat his wife. 

His Christian Wife is: 

            [1] to be honored, understood, and not mistreated since she is weaker [I Pet.3:7]. 

            [2] to be loved as one’s own body, not treated as property [Eph.5:25,28,31]. 

            [3] a helper, not an animal used as a sexual object for pleasure and to simply provide children [Gen.2:18-20].  

            [4] not a slave whose labor  profits the man.  The man is to provide for her [I Tim.5:8].  Man is not king [Gen.3:16].

            [5] not to be divorced [Mal.2:16] and barrenness is no cause to do so [Lk.1:7;  Gen.11:30;  18:10,11;  I Sam.1:5-8].  

            [6] not under the authority of the extended family or clan.  They have no rights over the wife of their male relation [Gen.2:23,24].             

            [7] not the one held responsible for the training of the children; the man is [Eph.6:4;  Gen.18:19;  Deut.11:18-21;  Prov.4:1-4;  Ps.78:3-8].       

            [8] not to be isolated and separate from the man and all that concerns him; no secrets covered up.  All is freely shared [Gen.2:25].      

            [9] a fellow heir of the grace of life, not of lesser privilege [I Pet.3:7;  Gal.3:28].

            [10] not to be shared among other wives.  Polygamy does not have God’s approval [Gen.2:18-25;  Mt.19:4-6;  Deut.17:17].

            If the man is not kind, gentle, and respectful; if he does not sacrificially give himself for her in genuine love, then prayers will be hindered.  And if prayers are hindered, his belief in God has become a form of godliness only, but without power.

The Christian Wife

            The wife, as well, has specific ways to honor the Lord as a godly woman.  These are the things that the Word of God says about the Christian wife.

            Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as to the Lord, because the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ is the Head of the church.  And so wives must submit themselves completely to their husbands just as the church submits itself to Christ [Eph.5:22-24].

            You wives should submit to your husbands.  Then, if some husbands do not obey God’s teaching, they will be persuaded to believe without anyone’s saying a word to them.  They will be persuaded by the way their wives live.  Your husbands will see the pure lives you live with respect for God.

            It is not fancy hair, gold jewelry, or fine clothes that should make you beautiful.  No, your beauty should come within you – the beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit that will never be destroyed and is very precious to God. 

            In the same way the holy women who lived long ago and followed God made themselves beautiful, submitting to their own husbands.  Sarah obeyed Abraham, her husband, and called him her master.  And you women are true children of Sarah if you always do what is right and are not afraid [I Pet.3:1-6].

            Teach older women to be holy in their behavior, teaching what is good.  Then they can teach the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be wise and pure, to be good workers at home, to be kind, and to be submissive to their husbands.  Then no one will be able to speak evil of the teaching God gave us [Tit.2:3-5].

            It is here, in her home, to her husband and children, that is her primary area of service unto God [I Tim.5:14].  The Lord has neither called nor equipped her to teach men, have authority over them, or to lead in the church.  This is what the Word of God says:

            A woman must learn in quietness and full submission.  I do not permit a woman to teach or to have authority over a man, she must be silent [I Tim.2:11,12]. 

Oneness

            As husband and wife, the man and woman are one.  There cannot, however, be two leaders, two heads.  Chaos would result.  Yet they must not act independently from one another, each in their own isolated realms, or living apart in separate houses or villages.

            Two become one in heart.  As planned and commanded in the Bible, the home is harmonious.  Each partner glorifies God in their appointed areas.

            They share all.  Nothing is secret between them.  There is openness.  Their private existence has ended as the two have become one with nothing hidden.  Decisions are discussed between them.

            And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed [Gen.2:25].  They share one purse, one dwelling, one bed, and are united in their instruction to their children.

Finally, all of you should be in harmony, understanding each other, loving each other as family, being kind and humble.  Do not do wrong to repay a wrong, and do not insult to repay and insult.

            But repay with a blessing, because you yourselves were called to do this so that you might receive a blessing.  The Scripture says, “A person must do these things to enjoy life and have many happy days.  He must not say evil things, and he must not tell lies.  He must stop doing evil and do good.   He must look for peace and work for it” [I Pet.3:8-11].

[9] Vows  These are suggested vows that give expression to the mutual commitment of the covenant of Christian marriage.  Two alternative styles are presented.  The words can be modified to clarify or express additional aspects that are not included here.  The couple may wish to express both of these types of vows during the ceremony.  The vows should be spoken by the bride and groom themselves and not be repeated after the brother performing the ceremony has read them off.  You can print a copy of each of their vows that they can hold during the ceremony and read from the paper.

Male Vows

Today, I, [Male name] take you, [Female name] to be my lawfully wedded wife,

in the sight of God the Father, Christ Jesus, the Eternal Spirit of grace, the holy angels, and these witnesses,

and by the grace of Christ and in obedience to the Word of God,

I do enter this binding covenant:

to love you with purity of heart and body,

to provide for your earthly needs and spiritual guidance,

to lead our home in righteousness and truth

in the fear of God according to His Word,

so that, as Christ loves, nourishes, and cherishes His bride, the church,

I also will be to you, my bride, throughout all of our days,

no matter what may come upon us to try and separate

what God has joined together until that coming endless day of eternity.

Having solemnly promised myself to you in this manner,

with gladness of heart, I now say to you, my dearest [Female name],

“Arise, my darling, my beautiful one, and come along.” 

Female vows

I, [Female name], have heard your vows and your proposal of love.

And now, from this day forward,

I do gladly devote myself to you as your lawfully wedded wife:

Where you go, I will go,

and where you lodge, I will lodge.

Your people shall be my people, and your God, my God.

Where you serve our Lord Jesus Christ, I will serve,

and where He leads you, I will follow;

in quiet submission and godly fear, as a contented worker at home

and as a virtuous crown to your head,

to help you fulfill God’s appointed path for our lives,

with loving affectionate devotion both for you

and any children that our Lord may bless our union with.

Therefore, let me simply reply in this way to you, dearest [Male name], and to you alone,

“May your left hand be under my head and your right hand embrace me:

May you kiss me with the kisses of your mouth, for your love is better than wine.”

 OR 

Vows where the man says one thing and the woman responds as each thing is said, alternating back and forth until all the vows have been spoken.

1 Male: I do gladly and soberly this day enter into a lifelong covenant to be your faithful husband.

1 Female: And I as well present myself to you to be your loving and faithful wife by these same solemn vows.

2 Male: Come, my dearest [female’s name], and magnify the Lord with me, and let us exalt His name together for I have chosen you above all others for the rest of my days.

2 Female: I will come, dearest [male’s name], with all my heart to exalt our Lord with you throughout the remainder of my life.

3 Male: Then I shall lead you gently in paths of righteousness for His name’s sake and instruct you in the ways of the Lord.

3 Female: Then I will lovingly follow your lead with all willingness in that blessed narrow way.

4 Male: I gladly take upon myself the responsibility to nourish you with daily provision of food and covering.

4 Female: And I will happily devote myself to be a worker at home that the Word of our God will not be blasphemed.

5 Male: Above all, I will love you fervently from the heart as Christ has His own beloved bride, the church.

5 Female: My greatest joy will be to submit myself to you as Christ’s bride submits unto her Lord.

6 Male: At all times you will be highly honored as a fellow heir of the grace of life.

6 Female: And so shall I fear you as the godly Sarah did Abraham, calling him lord and thus becoming a virtuous crown to his head.

7 Male: I will live with you with all understanding, kindness, and consideration since you are a precious yet weaker vessel.

7 Female: And you can be assured that my gentle and quiet spirit will not disturb our home with contention and strife.

8 Male: I will cherish you all the days of my life and will always be ravished with your love alone, sharing my affection with no other women and no other wives.

8 Female: I also yield myself to none other.  Indeed, our bed will be undefiled.

9 Male: My dearest, you are bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

9 Female: And nothing and no one shall ever separate what our God has joined together this day.

10 Male: I freely lay down my life for you in love as Christ did for His church.

10 Female: I receive your love and devote myself to you alone as the church has given herself to Christ.

11 Male: Amen. I am yours and you have become my darling wife on this day of the gladness of my heart.

11 Female: Yes, my husband, you are mine and I am truly your beloved bride from this time forward until endless day.

[10]  Exchange of rings

[11] Lord’s Supper for bride and groom [This expresses to the couple and to all present that the first act of their newly formed union is to declare their oneness with Christ and each other in true communion], Prayer [brother performing ceremony prays – not leading in prayer points- or fathers of the bride and groom may pray if they are godly men], Kiss [this is a public expression that the couple who have kept themselves pure for each other now have every right to display their physical affection to each other without shame or reproach.  It indicates that now that the covenant has been entered into, it is fitting for the consummation to take place with God’s blessing], and Presentation of the new couple [brother performing the ceremony announces and declares that these two are now husband and wife].

[12]  Words of testimony of groom to invited guests. [This is the opportunity for the groom to testify, admonish, and/or express thanks to the guests.  It shows that the man is now the head of a new household and has authority to address all as a man who is the responsible head of his home].

[13]  Reception. [During this time, elderly godly men who have been selected beforehand are given opportunity to speak words of wisdom and advice to the new couple.  It also can be a time for others to ask the bride and groom questions.  How did you meet each other?  How did he propose to you?  How did you approach proposing to her?  These types of questions will bring joy and gladness to the occasion].  Entertainment and refreshment for guests.

 

Written by Ade--Peters       

http://gospelfromtheheartofafrica.com

 

Brother Peters near the village of Rotaprr in Sierra Leone, West Africa.

A Bible teacher and Gospel preacher, Temitope Adewole (Peters) desires to help make disciples for the Lord Jesus.